Tuesday, March 3, 2015

March Still life Fiesta #3

Good morning all!

This is my digimon tamagotchi toy that I dug up from my cupboard. Unfortunately the battery is dead so I cannot play with agumon anymore.

Anyway, this proves to be an interesting still life studies! Reason being the material has a bit of SSS going on even though its quite plastic-ky and I found a wondrous use for smudge tool! Its really good to smooth up edges, something I have been struggling with for a long time.

Finally just would like to share a quote that started a change in me few months ago!

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life."

~Sylvester Stallone As Rocky Balboa~

From here on, its just me rambling some personal thoughts ;)

So few months ago when I was in a big bad slump. I watched tonnes of motivational video and then this quote by Stallone.. started playing... and something just clicked inside my head...

Excuses.. those are what I have been doing all my life!

From early days of childhood when I wanted to try to do push up.. I did it once.. twice.. then I said I will do it tomorrow...and tomorrow never comes. I drew some shitty comic when I was in junior high school, but when I could not draw the angle I wanted. I erased it and changed it... then I gave it all up later.

During school, I was not a model student. I played a lot.. I made a lot of excuses to myself.. things like I am not good enough.. its okay to settle for it to be like this... and things like, but they never taught me that yet!

I realized I never pushed on.. one of a very bad habit of mine. Always having thoughts of being tired, hungry, and procrastinating..convincing myself every single time that.. "Ah.. I will do it later". Rinse and repeat.

In my mind.. I convinced myself.. that one day its all gonna be okay.. Perhaps, I somehow believed that I will one day wake up from good night sleep and became a master artist. During this period of time, I scoured the internet for tutorials and talked to many good artists.. but I didn't made use of it well. I never finished work that I set out to do.. and I kept on looking for magical skill up potions o_o|||

FZD was a kick in the butt. Good tight wake up slap across the face that the cruel reality is that I have to fight for the share of the pie. But after graduating.. I went into a depression slump that maybe I just suck... not realizing that too is a trap..cause I stop asking how to improve.. instead, I kept asking why do I suck.

It made me have a bad mindset for a year or so..I let life pass through me..
Instead of living a life.. I let it lived me.

Its like eating junk food, my priority was pretty messed up then. I splurge on everything that is not art related. I party, ate, gaming, read comics, watch movies, meh..I WAS ENJOYING LIFE!! But I was not happy. Not at peace. Like an itch in my heart I know that is not what I wanted. Its just a form of escape.

Then comes the quote.. and thanks to that quote I had a realization.

That I have to take control back!! I have to control my life and actions. Time is precious but at least I realized it early.

At this point too, sick of me being depressed and making excuses, I tried to face my fear. Picked a few things I feared and bam! Just do it. It was not easy to fight my own thoughts, until today I fail more than I want to.

Nevertheless..  Deep inside my heart I know that I am finally changing.. and that.. made me so happy in recent days! I am not sure how to explain it but my heart finally feels at peace.

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